I stand before the Cross and I profess a love for this Man, this One, Who has taken my place…
and I turn away…
and I go shopping and I buy a bikini…
I can justify it because it is so cute on me and anyway…
if a guy looks at me to lust, it is all his fault for not controlling himself…
and not my fault at all.
I go to church and I worship this holy God…
and I turn away…
and I go home and I turn on the television…
and I watch…
and as I do I fill my mind, my heart, my eyes with things that I would be ashamed to watch…
if Jesus were here…
but, He isn’t…
and I justify it, because it is a good show…
and, after all, God is a God of love and He just wants me to be happy.
I kneel before my God and I pray…
Thy will be done…
and I get up…
and I go about doing my will…
with everyone that I meet…
in everything that I do…
not for a moment thinking…
that I am sinning.
I open up my Bible and I read about the wonders of God…
and my heart rejoices…
I read of His love, His mercy, His tenderness…
sometimes, I come to passage that shows more than that…
and it makes me nervous, uncomfortable…
but, I turn the page…
and I read more about how very much God loves me,
and I read into it how much He longs for me to respond to Him,
and I think how cool it is that this God of the whole universe needs me…
me…
and I determine to try to find something really nice to do for Him…
sometimes.
I reach out to my God in my need…
and I can’t find Him…
and I ask Him, “Where are You?”
but, He doesn’t answer me…
and, I don’t understand His silence…
I run towards where He was but find only darkness …
I seek Him out and I ask, ”Why have You abandoned me?”
“Where are You, God?”, I plead…
and it’s then that I realize…
that I am alone…
and He doesn’t seem to hear me…
at all.
And, in the echoing silence, suddenly I hear
a still small voice,
saying, “If you love Me, you will obey Me.”
And I fall on my face…
and I weep.
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